A POCO A POCO

caterpillar infestation

2010-04-30T05:58:00.000-07:00

ALERT!!!!!!ALERT!!!!!! Recent news has shown that there is a caterpillar infestation and its spreading throughout the globe.....

the picture on your left >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
shows a caterpillar. the red blob you see there is it's head and it has a furry body.

Here's a little information on caterpillars.

Caterpillars are mostly herbivores while some are insectivorous (seems quite self explanatory). Most caterpillars have tubular and segmented bodies. Caterpillars grow through a series of moults; each intermediate stage is called an instar. The last moult takes them into the inactive pupal or chrysalis stage ( this whole sentence was taken from wikipedia). Caterpillars breathe through openings on their bodies called spiracles (all form 4 and 5 science students shud know this).

A caterpillar will undergo a process what we call metamorphosis. In this case i do not know if this species will turn into a butterfly or a moth. This diagram shud summarize this.

egg>>>>>>>caterpillar>>>>>>>pupa>>>>>>>>>moth/butterfly

A caterpillar will turn into a pupa before becoming a butterfly or a moth. It stays as a pupa for around 2 weeks (i think). Then it will spread its wings and fly.......unless we kill it.

The lifespan of a butterfly/moth varies among species. But most would live only a week or two. This shows us that beauty on the outside only lasts for so long. so we shud appreciate beauty from the inside more.

Now, you would think that a caterpillar is such a slow-moving-harmless creature. But believe me when i tell you....they are fast.

Now back to this dangerous and unstoppable epidemic.

If you look closely....this is a picture of caterpillar carcasses in a small part in a drain. (this is like the quadrat sampling technique in biology). Just imagine this picture and multiply it ten times more in long continuous succession.

(Picture on the right) This is a picture of a leaf. Its not just a leaf though. it's more than a leaf. Its a caterpillar-filled leaf. A few trees have already been "harvested" by these caterpillars.

(Picture below) This is a caterpillar on the fence.

There are sources that say that butterflies.......ATTACK HUMANS!!!!! The world is in danger. We are all in danger. I would advice all lifeforms to spend their time with their loved ones. Shall we all observe a moment of silence one last time for our earth.

Reporting to you first-hand by kitkit. Until next time.....if there's still one.

okay.....i exaggerated.....there IS a caterpillar infestation but its just in my grandmother's home. And i'm positively sure butterflies don't attack humans.

For more information........check out these websites.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caterpillar
http://www.butterfly-guide.co.uk/life/pupa.htm
http://www.butterfliesandmoths.org/faq/lifespan

3 Months of FREEDOM (Chapter 3)

2010-04-12T22:58:00.000-07:00

RESULTS FEVER

PRE

Before the results were out.....i spent my time trying not to think abt it. But sometimes you can't really help it..you know like....have i done enough.....oh no....i didn't know how to do this question.....what if i don't do well and stuff like that.....but i'm glad that my family never put any pressure on me. They never once told me 'you must get straight A+'. They always told me that i should just do my best and its okay no matter what results i get. The problem was that the pressure came from myself. I have no idea why but i keep pressuring myself to do well. i get extremely nervous before and during an exam or even just a test. Well.....i had dreams of the day the results came out....and those dreams were...........weird. Difficult to explain....(you know how thinking back on your dream and it actually doesn't make any sense at all).

DURING

On that day, i actually came really early cos i was helping my brother out with the alumni thing (not that i helped that much anyway). I met a couple of teachers but not all. After a while....more ppl started to come and the school got crowded. It was great to meet up with friends again. Well.....we were told that if the principal comes back early....its bad news...if he comes back late then its good news. So we all hoped that he would come back late but that would mean we have to wait even longer. i took a walk with ara around the school just trying to lose some nerves. And then......the results came..........it was good news. I really thank God for all the help and guidance. I know i could never have gotten the results i wanted without God's help.

POST

Now.....all the scholarship application stuff became like the most important thing.....but not for me though. Well.....at the moment, i am really interested in studying music.....not the classical and performance kind but the contemporary and technical side like music composition, songwriting, audio engineering and stuff like that. I know i dun have the skill to be a performer. But i do enjoy music. FYI......there are tons of scholarships available and maybe out of 20, only one offers music. So it was extremely difficult to find. The ones that i did find had certain requirements that i didn't have. So, I didn't apply any.

Many ppl keep saying " apply for jpa" and all the other stuff. When ppl ask me what scholarships have i applied.....my answer would be....i didn't apply any. And they would say WHY???? (with a very surprised tone). And i'll have to explain all over again.

To me, i believe that if you don't have the passion for a certain course, don't go for it. Or if you don't like the course even if it is the most popular course.....don't take it. I don't want to apply for sth i don't like and i don't have a passion for. I don't want to end up being trapped doing sth i hate for the rest of my life. We only live once.....so why not live doing sth you enjoy? What's the point in being a person who is rich but hates his job or life? Ppl keep saying apply for this and apply for that and what a waste if you don't apply. I'm just getting tired of it.

But whats worse is when ppl say like.....why so stupid.....and not just blame me but blame my parents for not pushing me to apply. That just really bugs me. i mean.....you don't even know me....and you definitely don't know my parents....what right do you have to say such things....and why all of a sudden you become sooooo interested in what i do. It doesn't affect you at all. In your view it may be stupid.....well, many others would think that too. But im not trying to please them.

So i am going to form 6. i'm not looking forward to it though but it gives me a year and a half to work on my violin and piano. And if i do change my mind abt music, i will still be able to choose sth else. My family can't afford private colleges and stuff.....so form 6 is the best way. My parents recommend form 6 cos you'll learn many things and will give me more time to be more matured before making a decision.

But of course, everyone has their doubts. And mine is whether or not ill be able to cope with music. Am i good enough? Or is it what i wanna do or what God wants me to do?

i just really pray that in the years to come i'll be able to do sth i love and that pleases God as well.

3 Months of FREEDOM (Chapter 2)

2010-04-05T21:42:00.000-07:00

KOREAN CRAZE

i know its kinda lame....but i couldn't help myself....its not my fault. i blame it on the genes. haha. Anyway.....i've been watching many many korean dramas including the old old dramas. i din have much to do anyhow so i could actually just sit down and watch from the morning to night...with some breaks for meals and a bath......(not really healthy i know.....). It was one after another and usually these dramas have like 16-20 episodes so it'll be like 3-4 days for each drama.

Well.....i liked the humour and the romance in the show....but most of all...im a huge critic of the music. Usually these dramas will have one or two really nice soundtracks but sad to say....not all. The music sets the mood and to me it is really important. lol. For these dramas, i personally like those that have a happy ending..(well you know...boy ends up with girl...live happily ever after and etc) cliche right? i know. But come on.....just imagine enduring all 20 episodes and in the last episode someone dies....then it'll be like....what's the point.

During the SPM season..... i had to bury my face in my books while my sister watched korean dramas in her room.....well....occasionally i would sneak in and watch but how much can you enjoy when you have like a huge dark cloud hanging over your head zapping you with lightning bolts telling you to study .....or else. lol. That's why i couldn't resist watching after the SPM. lol.

Here's a list of all the korean dramas i watched (but not all during these 3 months)
1. coffee prince
2. princess hours
3. my girl
4. hello my lady
5. save your last dance for me
6. my lovely sam soon
7. hotelier
8. boys over flowers
9. night after night
10. couple or trouble
11. Oh Su Jung vs Karl
12. yuhee, the witch
13. IRIS
14. City hall

After a while, the stock ran out.....lol.....so i turned to JAPANESE ANIME.....which is great as well. was watching DGray Man and now currently watching Full Metal Alchemist. Love the japanese language and the anime expressions. its really cool. haha. I'm now addicted to anime's as well. But i think its more of a continuation cos i already liked japanese anime a long time ago. Used to watch samurai X and cardcaptor sakura on tv. Then there was fate stay night and my favourites ouran highschool, naruto and nodame cantabile....lol

here's another list
1. samurai X
2. cardcaptor sakura
3. ouran highschool
4. nodame cantabile
5. fate stay night
6. DGray Man
7. Fullmetal Alchemist
8. naruto
9. mai otome

i also became a gleek!!!!!!! haha.....glee is really cool and i recommend glee to all....

But i know......soon i'll be back in school and i wont have time for anymore of these.....so i shud just enjoy while i can....right?

3 Months of FREEDOM (Chapter 1)

2010-03-30T20:32:00.000-07:00

DRIVING FRENZY

i started in january (late january). At first of course we had to sit for the 5 hour long lecture thingy and the worst thing was i was ALONE. i had no one to accompany me.....how sad.....but at the lecture place i saw jonathan. yay......finally someone i know. But he already finished his undang and stuff and was already practicing driving. But it was still good to see someone familiar. So i sat through the lecture (which was pretty boring). Just wanted to get through with it.

Oh ya......and my driving instructor speaks chinese. But he has to speak in malay with me. The embarrassing thing was that after the lecture......i was waiting to go home. My instructor actually sent his son to pick me up with a few others. His son doesn't know me. So he was searching for someone who has the surname 'kwan'. But of course he was speaking in chinese. so i waited........and he waited.......and he asked me if my surname was kwan (in chinese).....i didn't understand and i said..............................no. So embarrassing. But in the end i managed to clear things...kinda....... and went home....lol......trying not to think of this ever again.

then was the undang test.....we had to study the textbook which i didn't have......so i borrowed it from carol.......lol......Well.....i passed and had to go straight for the pra-L lecture.....but i think i kinda messed up the book......(sorry carol). Anyway......i didn't have trouble going home this time. and i got my L.

Then....on my first day of real practical driving.....i had trouble but managed somehow....but on the way back.....my instructor asked me to drive home....(not the whole way though). WHAT??????? on my first day!!!!! How was i supposed to drive on the road when all i practised was in the circuit.......on my FIRST day......but i reached home safe and sound though....phew...

Then...on my second day of driving......still haven't perfected the bahagian A tests. and all of a sudden........my instructor asked me to take the QTI (this is like a trial test before the real test) WHAT???????on my second day!!!!! How was i suppose to take the QTI when i haven't mastered the basics and only driven on the jalan raya route once or twice. This was not fun. But i had no choice.....so i had to do what i can....(which wasn't really good)...my parking was not good and so was my jalan raya....but passed.....(not to me though)..But i had to drive home after that and that was when i got into an accident. Nothing serious though. Just another car tried to overtake me and knocked the front of the kancil i was driving....my instructor said it wasn't my fault (hope he's right) but i think the other guy was blaming me. But since nothing serious happened....everything was settled........all this on my second day.

Then....the third day.....i was getting better....but still fumbling at times.....learned different routes for the jalan raya test.....and was told that my real test would be on the 12th of April.

one week plus after my third lesson (22nd March)....my instructor calls at like 6 sth in the morning.....i was obviously still sleeping....so my mum took the phone.....he told my mum to wake me for some driving....but i actually had already planned something on that day. i was supposed to go to james house to learn some ikatan for the upcoming king scout's camp (another huge headache). But my instructor said it was a must because............it was my JPJ test. WHAT????????On the 22nd of March!!!!!......but he told me it was 12th April. He said he saw my name in the list or sth like that. FYI i was totally not ready......still fumbling at certain areas and not remembering all the routes and havent driven for a week plus. How was i supposed to take the test????? But my mum put her foot down and said no.....phew.....thanks mum. So i guess he would have to find another date which would probably be in May....haiz.....not our fault though.
i haven't gotten any calls from him since....maybe he doesn't want to teach me anymore....lol

On that day itself... i was on the way to james' house. my mum was driving. There was like a crossroad before his house and my mum didn't see a motorcyclist and i think the motorcyclist didn't see us too and............WHAM!!!!!BOOM!!!!CRASH!!!!!.....ok i exaggerated a bit....it wasn't that bad...but it was scary........everyone was alright though.Thank God everyone was safe.....
then... we saw that our car had a flat tyre. just great...but it was an opportunity to change the tyres.....and at that moment james wanted to buy his breakfast so he cycled down and saw us......so he helped change the tyre....i helped too.....it was sort of fun.....lol....

so.......i haven't actually had much happy experiences driving......i just hope i'll be able to pass the JPJ test........should be able to.......right?

memoirs of an EX-student

2009-12-16T00:30:00.000-08:00

What i miss most about secondary school life would be......

1. friends.......for sure.....what is school life without friends...can't imagine my life without friends. all the times we shared in class, out of class, all the crazy and whacky stuff in class, pradeep's jokes, our impromptu singing when teacher is not in class......who could ever forget? friends especially the ixorians....it rocks to be an ixorian...we have our ups and downs but i'm glad i'm a banana.....but not forgetting friends from other classes and juniors to bully..(or not)...

2. teachers......especially those who really cared for us. i'll definitely never forget them. although some really did not leave me with very good memories..(i'm sure my friends understand who).. teachers still make school life what it is. the funny experiences together with teachers and their occasional jokes. i really appreciate them a lot. Not just the teachers who taught me but also all those who have impacted my life in some way or another.

3. CF......i love being in cf. CF has really grown a lot and has definitely come a long way. I miss all the times we, as a family, laughed and learned and joked around. All the camps and meetings were the best. I pray to God that the CF will continue to grow in every aspect.

4. I'm gonna miss going to school in cik zalilah's car. LOL.

5. I'm gonna miss every second i had with everyone in school. May it bad or good.

6. SMKBM......the best school in the world!!!!! sure there are flaws but i do not regret going to bukit mewah. I just hope others get to experience the same great time i had in SMKBM. I also hope that the school will get better and not move backwards.

I guess i just miss school( feels weird saying this)...

yahoo

2009-12-08T01:08:00.001-08:00

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hairless but fearless (hopefully)

2009-09-18T06:39:00.000-07:00

As most of you know by now, i've got a new look.

I was sitting with my friends studying for the second paper of biology when C came and told me that a certain teacher (let's call him X) is searching for people to be the victims. But i guess we were all busy studying until we saw X approaching. X walked passed us and stopped and told me to go behind the hall for a haircut after my biology paper. X even told a friend to remind me. I was like...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.......but of course i didn't say it out loud..kinda. But anyway, i was not happy. This was maybe one of the only times when i wished the exam would not end. coz when it ended it means i had to go cut my hair.

Okay so even before the paper ended, X was waving to a friend of mine who was also as unfortunate as me. So in the end, i went. I really wanted to say sth to X but i couldn't. Haiz..... the worst thing abt it was that i had just recently cut my hair (approximately 9 days ago). So my hair......well to me at least...wasn't exactly that long. I mean give me a break. it's not like i purposely wanted to defy the school rules.

Well, when i came home, my family was not at all happy. Like i said.....i just cut my hair. So my mum just mentioned it to a certain teacher (lets call the teacher Y) who asked X the next day. And apparently, according to X, It was all a misunderstanding. X said that when X asked me to cut my hair, X was just joking with me. What?????? Unbelievable. X had ample time to tell me X was just joking. X thought i was volunteering. Why would i want to? So i lost my hair because of a joke. Great. Just great.

Well, i planned to stay home until my hair grew back but after a while, i couldn't care less. If ppl wanted to laugh then let them laugh. At least i can bring some joy to their lives. lol.

Temporary shutdown!!!!

2009-08-09T00:41:00.000-07:00

I'll be sitting for my trials so i don't think i'll be able to post any updates or blog posts. so for now, this will be my last post until trials are over. So i guess this is goodbye for now. But i'll be back......

SEE YOU IN SEPTEMBER ........

Insulting Insults

2009-07-10T07:22:00.000-07:00

Here's a few comments that are kinda funny but extremely insulting.

1) Alright, the first one would be the comment "you gained weight". Just imagine coming into the class and the teacher is talking in front. When you finally take your seat, she stops(in mid sentence) and looks at you and says...."you gained weight"

2) Next up would be "you need to start dieting". Well to me, this comment is kinda offensive.

3) Next would be when someone hits you and says "adipose tissue". (For those who haven't studied biology, adipose tissue is the tissue that stores fat).

4) "what do you eat for breakfast? Coz i want to gain weight".

5) Another is when someone says that you can take his share of the food. Then someone says..."then he will be double fat."

6) When learning about fats (during chemistry), someone looks at you with a snigger. We all know why....

7) Next was when a teacher (during biology) says that when you remove your thyroid gland, you won't be able to gain weight(i think that is what she said). Then, someone looks at you smiling like it is some sort of idea.

8) When you say that you keep losing and someone says "unfortunately not your weight"

Those who said those comments, you know who you are. Lol. It's extremely insulting but its okay. It's kinda funny too.

(Pls vote at the poll section) =)

Sacrifice

2009-07-10T06:55:00.000-07:00

'My hand trembled as i held my pendrive tightly. I knew i didn't want to do it. But i had to. I closed my eyes as i sacrificed my pendrive for the sake of the team.'

Okay...this was heavily exaggerated. It was actually the last day to hand in our magazines for the nie thingy. And due to a little miscommunication, our frontpage was not even printed yet. So we had to get permission from a teacher to use the computer lab to search the internet for the picture. But of course we had to print it out. And unfortunately, the printer in the computer lab was out of order. So the only way was to save it in the pendrive and print it somewhere else. And i was the only one with a pendrive. Haiz.

Don't get me wrong. If we were in any other place i would gladly use my pendrive (i think). The problem was that we were using the COMPUTER LAB computers which are famous for viruses. But i had to anyway. So we printed the picture in the bio lab. And everything was done just in time (i loved our magazines by the way). So, everyone lived happily ever after.

Okay....not so happy though. I scanned my pendrive in my computer for viruses and guess what? There were over a 100 detected viruses. So the antivirus spyware thingy got rid of the viruses and just to be safe i reformated my pendrive. And that was the last day my computer could be used. After that incident, my computer couldn't be turned on. Sth abt wondows being corrupted.

All my songs and documents (secretary paperwork) and pictures and photos, everything was wiped out. MY SONGS!!!!! NOOOOO!!!!! MY PHOTOS!!!! T_T. To make things worse, it was not just my documents but my brother's and mum's and not forgetting our short stories that we wrote and saved. All gone. Sad. My dad sent it to a friend who could help. He said he would try to save the documents (if it was possible) but if the virus was too bad, he would have to reformat. And guess what? It can't even be reformated. This means that we would have to get a whole new computer. There goes a few thousand dollars.

Well, i guess this shows that when we make decisions in life, we would have to be prepared to suffer the consequences. Or maybe if we have to make choices, we need to think it through because in most cases, our actions will not only affect ourselves but others as well.

But thank God, that my dad's friend was able to find some way to reformat and he said that he saved some documents or sth like that. I haven't gotten it back. I just hope everything will be fine.

Shock of a lifetime

2009-06-26T05:56:00.000-07:00

I had an experience of a lifetime. On the 20th of June 2009, I came so close to death. Okay...maybe not that close. But it was close enough for me. It all happened during the scout campfire. I was supposed to help with the fire. All campfires must have a bonfire. So, i was asked to pour kerosene on a piece of cloth prepared for the fire to start. Just before it was time to light the flame, some wire that was prepared earlier snapped. We were frantically trying to fix it back while the speeches were being given.

Fortunately, we were able to fix it. However, when it was time to light the flame, i kinda panicked. I walked up to the middle of the 'perhimpunan' area and started to pour the kerosene. The cover or the lid of the kerosene bottle had holes in them. So i started to pour but it was kinda slow. Everyone was waiting for me. It was like you could feel everyone's eyes burning holes through your back.

To add to the pressure, people were like saying something in chinese. I was not sure if they were talking to me, asking me to hurry up or sth, i really don't know as i can't speak chinese. So i thought they were asking me to hurry up. So, i opened the lid and poured the kerosene. A little too much i guess. Then, the principal pulled the sword from the rock which was supposed to trigger the flame(the theme for the campfire was excalibur). It didn't work. The fire didn't start.

So, with my kerosene filled and coated hand, i lighted the cloth with the lighter. I just didn't think at the moment. More of i couldn't think. So when the cloth burst into flames, it was too big. I was just a few centimetres away from the cloth. I could feel the fire burst past me. My face and my hands felt extremely hot. At that time, everyone was cheering the flame on. The flame actually burst right in front of me. And my hands were filled with kerosene.

I didn't think it was such a big deal until later when i found out that i actually singed off a small part of my hair and my hand had a stinging pain. I realised that the fire had come that close to me, if not burn past me. But i was unharmed. I was fine. I really thank God for His protection over me. If not, i can't imagine what could have happened.

Dark Horse Rises

2009-05-31T07:13:00.000-07:00

Kris Allen wins american idol!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To me, i personally think that kris deserves to win this competition. He's got a great voice and is a musical genius as well as a humble guy. It's refreshing to see someone like kris win american idol. When i first heard kris sing 'man in the mirror' i was like.....wow...this guy has a very nice voice but i never thought he would win. I was a danny gokey fan in the beginning. But after a while i felt like he didn't 'wow' me anymore. But don't get me wrong, he was still good. Just maybe he didn't blow me away as much as he blew others away. Kris on the other hand just kept on getting better and kept 'wowing' me. He has a very unique voice and i just love the way he sings.

Kris is a fantastic singer. Everytime he sings, he connects with everyone. His voice has this innocence and pureness abt it and i can feel it everytime he sings. The way he interprets songs and improvises on them is just.........amazing. kris is definitely a musical genius, someone i strive to be.

I feel happy that an underdog finally won. Throughout the whole season, everyone has been talking about adam and danny but in the end, kris emerged as the champion. It gives me hope that an underdog can rise up. So, congratulations to kris, a deserving champion. GO KRIS!!!!!

Heartache or a chance to stand up....

2009-05-28T03:07:00.000-07:00

Today, i got scolded by a teacher and i was very affected by it. Maybe it was my fault too because i didn't pass my pen-drive to her earlier. And i didn't give her the maklumat ahli for the new students. But....these aren't my job anyway. Paperwork is supposed to be done by the secretary. And i am NOT the secretary.

She said that she was doing all the work and i was like not doing anything. I did do things for her. I ran around the school before trying to collect forms. I have done some computer work when it really isn't my job. She asked where was my responsibility. i really couldn't say anything.

Then she started to say that i can do things for the christian fellowship club but i won't do anything for her club. To me, i think i haven't done much for the CF this past few months. I feel like i have left everything to the assistant secretary and i feel bad abt it. But i am the secretary for CF and it is my job to do paperwork too. But i was not the secretary for her club.

I am actually the president and presidents have different responsibilities than a secretary. I mean, i am new at all this things too but from what i know, secretaries were the ones supposed to do paperwork. Correct me if i am wrong.

But the worst of all was when she said that she didn't think that i was a good christian. T_T
This really hurt me. She could have said that i was a lousy president or sth instead of saying sth like that. After that i just sat at my seat and drowned myself in my mathematics homework. I hope nobody noticed but my eyes were teary as i did my maths. I was really holding back tears.

It all really got me to thinking. What if she was right? What if it was all my fault, that i was lazy, irresponsible and an extremely bad president. That i couldn't get things done on time. What if i really did suck.

I guess i shouldn't let this affect me but take this chance to rise up and gain confidence. I know it'll take time to get over all that she said but i think with God's help i can do it.

An archulicious day....

2009-04-13T05:46:00.000-07:00

For the first time in my life, i attended a concert
(wasn't a real concert. It was a showcase actually). The day before i actually gave up all hope of going coz these tickets can't be bought. They can only be won thru radio stations and newspapers and stuff. For example, flyfm. the 7th caller thru will win the tickets. I just tried and managed to get thru. I actually was talking to the DJ. So cool but i was caller number 1!!!!!

Then came my friend Mary who actually managed to win two tickets and invited me to go along. I was super excited but at the same time i felt guilty. I actually have school on that day. So i had to choose between school and the showcase ( and i have never ponteng school b4). So, that night i was getting cold feet. But i knew it was kinda like a chance of a lifetime.

We reached the sunway lagoon amphitheatre at 11.30 a.m. We thought we were early but nooooooo. The queue was extremely long. My mum and uncle went to buy food for us and on their way they found 4 tickets on the road!!! Unbelievable. But we kinda felt bad for the people who lost it (at least i did).

Well, i definitely do not regret my decision now. I had a blast! Finally, i got to see someone i admire do a live performance. his voice really soars when you hear it live. i admire his great voice, his down to earth, bashful personality and his piano playing skills. However, he only sang 6 songs and two of them were sung with the piano. It was great while it lasted but it was too short. It left me wanting more. There was no autograph session so i could not meet him in person. i really wanted to ask him a few questions and just talk.

Stage at Sunway Lagoon Amphitheatre

People crowding in the amphitheatre

I know many people may say that im like obsessed or something but i'm NOT. i just admire his voice. his voice is the kind of voice i would love to have. And he seems like a nice guy. he is just someone i look up to. Although there are some things that i do not agree with(i'm not going into the details right now).

I just wished i had been able to meet him in person. Maybe some time in the future i will be able to meet him. i will just keep hoping but anyhow i have had a great time at the showcase.

LOSER....

2009-03-20T08:38:00.000-07:00

he was tugging at it. applying pressure. he pulled and twisted it. I could feel the pain. It hurt really badly. I screamed soo loud it went into ultrasound. He didn't care. He laughed wickedly. he didn't care. he kept pulling and pulling. And then it flew out. I closed my eyes. It was over....

That is the exaggerated version of my meeting with the dentist. Okay, he didn't like tug and pull so crazily but he did pull my tooth out. I didn't scream coz when your mouth is wide open and numb due to the anesthesia, you can't really say anything. he definitely did not laugh wickedly (he is actually really nice). But the tooth did fly out. i saw it.

Well, i had to extract 4 of my teeth. Braces. I can't imagine myself with braces. But soon, i will not have to imagine. If anyone is asking, i'm putting braces NOT for beautiful looking teeth but for health purposes (yea rite...). I mean...that is the noble explanation of it. Of course part of the reason is to have nice teeth.

I went for a haircut lately and i was telling my bro that i've been losing stuff this week. My teeth and now my hair. And he replied, " unfortunately not your weight. " So mean rite? I just hope that becoz of the braces, i would be able to lose some weight. At least.

Well, i just have one favour to ask from everyone. DON'T LAUGH. =)

Superhuman

2009-03-06T06:38:00.000-08:00

When you don't fit in, you become superhuman. You can feel everyone else's eyes on you, stuck like Velcro. You can hear a whisper about you from a mile away. You can disappear, even when it looks like you're still standing right there. You can scream, and nobody hears a sound.

You become the mutant who fell into a vat of acid, the Joker who can't remove his mask, the bionic man who's missing all his limbs and none of his heart.

You are the thing that used to be normal, but that was so long ago, you can't even remember what it was like.

by Jodi Piccoult.

This passage really explains everything. I feel that many people don't feel like they fit in. But i think that it is just nonsense. Why do we have to be separated into groups; the 'in' and 'out'. We are all different and special in our own way. We shouldn't brand people or form clicks. Why must we divide ourselves? When there is no 'in' then there will be no 'out' and when there is no 'out' then there will be no 'in'. I know this is very subjective but this is kinda how i feel. It is something that may never change. But what i know is that we should not change just to fit in with the crowd but just be ourselves, special and unique and that is all that matters.

handcuffed and put away....

2009-02-20T06:46:00.000-08:00

Finally the thief has been caught. Okay here's the story. i am working at the koperasi in school. we sell newspapers for extra income. so, since this year...when the newspaper came there would always be less. We couldn't figure it out. We asked the supplier (well, the teachers did...not us students but that's beside the point) and he said he gave the correct amount. So we concluded that someone was stealing them.

So, i went early on that day but the newspapers came late...so we couldn't catch anyone. But the next day....i saw, with my own eyes. He just took it and walked across the assembly ground to his class. I couldn't believe it. It was happening right in front of my eyes. So i followed him and asked his classmate for his name and reported to teacher. Cool. It feels like CSI or sth. Well, not exactly. But it was sth different.

Special thanks to my friends too for following me to the 'spy headquarters' that day.

Falling

2009-02-13T03:46:00.000-08:00

Feels like my life's been passing by
With happiness just bein' a lie
How did I get here, where am I going?
One more day without knowing
Struggling for one more breath
As I'm drowning in a painful death
Can someone reach out for me?
In this dark and dreary sea

'Cause it seems like no one can
Hear the voice that's calling
Try to take the most I can stand
But I keep falling

I try to chase the memories away
But they haunt me everyday
I hope I get over this phase
'Cause I'm stuck inside this haze
All I need is a simple lift
Such a sweet and precious gift
So I don't lose it all before
What I have left is nothing more

In my isolating misery
I feel like the epitome
Of darkness and despair
Just leading onto nowhere
Will I be able to win this race?
I'm runnin' at a slow pace
Trying hard to press on
But the motivation's gone

'Cause it seems like no one can
Hear the voice that's calling
Try to take the most I can stand
But I keep falling

Oh

I try to chase the memories away
But they haunt me everyday
I hope I get over this phase
'Cause I'm stuck inside this haze
All I need is a simple lift
Such a sweet and precious gift
So I don't lose it all before
What I have left is nothing more

It may not have to be this way
Waiting for me they could be a new day
Maybe I can revise
And escape from the lies

I try to chase the memories away
But they haunt me everyday
I hope I get over this phase
'Cause I'm stuck inside this haze
All I need is a simple lift
Such a sweet and precious gift
So I don't lose it all before
What I have left is nothing more

There could be something more
To what my life may have in store
I'll move from where I began
Keep on pressing through to the end

falling - david archuleta

I'm sorry

2009-02-06T07:07:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry....
I couldn't do anything...
i feel so helpless....
i wish i could have done something...
to make the pain seem painless...
to put that smile back on you face...
to pick you up when you fell...
to give you a hug or a pat on the back...
anything a friend or a brother would do...

seeing you fall made me feel terrible...
i was just a spectator...
someone from the sidelines...
unable to help...
unable to lend a hand...
unable to cushion your fall...
unable to be the friend you needed me to be....

Whatever i say or do now....
is not going to change anything...
but i want you to know....
that i'll always be there...
trying my best to be your pillar of strength...
trying my best to mend your wounds...
trying my best to be a friend...
but all i can do....
is try...

Lying abt lying

2009-01-23T06:21:00.000-08:00

Can you lie about lying?? If you lie abt lying then you are actually telling the truth. But you can't be telling the truth when you are lying. If you lie that you were lying abt the truth then you are like lying and telling the truth at the same time because you are telling the truth abt lying which means you did lie. Right?

This question came abt when my brother and I were discussing sth. So we had a little confusing talk abt it. =)

Tips on how to NOT become the class monitor

2009-01-16T04:23:00.000-08:00

1. Use the i'm-so-busy technique. Tell the teacher a list of societies and games and stuff that you
have joined with all your poses. Look like your under a lot of stress. It helps.
2. Use the pls-oh-pls technique. Give your teacher your cutest and nicest puppy look. This
technique only works if you look cute. If not, then don't bother. =)
3. Use the you-can't-force-me technique. This is more 'radical' as compared to the others. This
technique means you just abandon your work and don't do anything. I don't recommend you
use this technique.
4. Use the pity-me technique. When in class, look sad and depressed like the whole world just died.
Hopefully, your teacher will notice and give some sympathy.
5. Use the replacement-no-jutsu technique. Find someone who is willing to take the job. If there is
no one, then just force someone. =)

PS: try the polls on which do you think is the most effective.

Haircut Rule..........

2009-01-09T05:16:00.000-08:00

As all mewahan's know, our school "loves" our hair very very much. They recently had a spot check and without warning left almost half the school looking like monks. To me, i feel that the rules on our hair is ridiculous. They are impractical and wastes a whole lot of time.

First, the rules say that the hair at the back cannot be lower than the earlobes. How ridiculous is that? Dont they know that everybody's hairline is different. Some grow longer down to the neck and some dont. They can't expect everyone to look the same. I feel like they are trying to make us look like robots.

But i dont understand why they are giving so much attention to how we look. I feel that our hairstyles wont affect our studies at all. Okay, there should be some guidelines but i think as long as we look neat then it should be fine. But NOOOOOOOOOOO. Our principal says that we are full time students and we should not look fashionable. What is wrong with being a fashionable student??

Then, a discipline teacher said that some parents defend their child. He says they seem to love their child's hair more than their studies. But to me, it looks like the school cares more abt hair than studies. They take a whole day to shave the students' hair and making them miss lessons. Why dont they go see if the teachers are teaching properly? Or whether the students are having any difficulties?

Haiz. I guess I just have to get through it for another year.

Scouts Camp

2008-12-26T06:19:00.001-08:00

It was kinda weird because i was considered a senior because i was form 4 but in actual fact i was as experienced as any other form 2. I joined the high 5 team ( high 5 is 5 badges you need to get in order to become a king scout). Well it was weird because i only had usaha badge. Ok. A little scouts lesson here. First as a pengakap muda, there are 3 badges to achieve. First is lencana usaha ( in form 1), then lencana maju ( form 2 ) and lencana jaya, ( form3).i only joined last year, so i only have usaha.

Then they made us (high 5 group) come earlier than everybody else to copy the log book. Haiz. Then as usual we set up the camp and stuff. then we had to build a gajet around 2.5 m high. there went my beauty sleep. so we kept building until like 2 then went to sleep just to take down the whole thing again the next day coz it wasn't stable. Then we had kawad, masakan rimba, kembara, latihan komander, malam kebudayaan, and solo camp.

Ok, now abt the solo camp. The plan was to drop us in the jungle alone for abt an hour to build our confidence or sth like that. But guess what. We were accompanied by millions of mosquitoes. Ok. I'm exaggerating. it wasn't millions but it was a lot. I didn't stop scratching. For those who saw the aftermath on my hands.....well you can guess what it was like. The solo camp started around 12 sth and we came back around 4 i think. this is all in the morning. The next day all went as usual.

Another thing was.....i was a real noob. I'm not very experienced you see, so i was like the newbie. I took like super long to cut a bamboo and still not successful. Then comes james or tuan ren and they will say like " aya, come let me do." Then in one strike, the bamboo was cut in half. Super depressing......haiz......

So tiring. Maybe i shud drop out from becoming a king scout. Who knows....maybe i will. But overall, it was kinda fun. could hang out with friends like chicky, james, ccj, andrew, sam, jun wei, hua chiam, kar yan, carol, jamie, min lei, joan, tuan ren and everyone else. So juz pray that i dun get denggi.

Youth Leadership Developement Programme (YLDP)

2008-12-16T02:31:00.000-08:00

I'm finally back home after soo long.....Anyway, just wanted to share my experience at the camp. To be honest, i wasn't very keen on going for the camp. Firstly, because i already went for 2 others just a few weeks before. Secondly, it's a 6 day camp and that is kinda long for me. Thirdly, i was gonna be alone. T_T. Although my bro and other friends went along. i was gonna be alone because they will separate us into 3 levels according to age. And those of my age who have gone for this camp before obviously can't sit for the same sessions again so they would go on to level 2. so i was left alone in level 1. There were other first timers too but they were much younger so they joined the pre-levels. haiz....

Then, we found out that most probably we would have to sleep in tents. TENTS! For 6 days. I would probably die. But fortunately for me, i was not placed in the tents but in a pavillion; a hut-like thingy. But believe me, it wasn't as pleasant as expected as well. It was hard. My back was like super aching. I was sleeping on wood. We would lie in our sleeping bags until it got soo hot. The nights were hot but in the morning, the weather would saddistically change and we would be freezing. So i didn't get much sleep throughout the entire camp but it beats sleeping in tents, right?

But after a while.....i felt like there was a reason why i was at this camp. God sure has a plan for me. And to my surprise, i enjoyed the sessions very much. It made me realise and learn a lot of things i never really knew. Pastor Daniel Singh was hillarious, but he still managed to get the message across. I feel like i was at a very rough part of my life; i mean spiritually. and the sessions helped me a lot. The theme was second wind, a phenomena where a marathon runner after feeling sooo tired suddenly gets a surge of energy to press on. it's something similar to our walk with God. Sometimes we feel tired and come to a road-block.

Usually when i attend camps, i would be one of the younger ones. Everyone was usually older than me. But this time, i was like the older person. So many of the 'older ppl' are actually my age. So that made me the 'older person' i used to meet at camps. But being form 4, i met a lot of other form 4 mates who look sooooo mature. I, in comparison, looked like a small kid.

The one thing i enjoyed in the camp was the grouping. We had 3 different groups. Our team-building group for games and stuff, our sessions group meaning the 3 different levels and our devotion group. This helped me a lot to get to know more ppl and build relationships. Besides, the worship services were awesome. This camp was also a very eventful camp. The first night, the hall had a blackout so we had to shift to the ampitheatre. The second night, it rained very heavily and some tents were wet plus one was flooded. The stream itself overflowed. The third day, the air-conds malfunctioned for a while.

After coming back from this camp...i have no regrets whatsoever abt attending this camp. I enjoyed myself a lot and i thank God for always being there for me. This camp gave me the confidence to continue walking with the Lord forever. And on the last day....i made a declaration that......as for me, i will walk with the Lord forever.

Is life unfair or fair??

2008-11-07T20:32:00.000-08:00

I was having a very heated debate with my younger brother abt whether or not life is unfair or fair. After everything.....i know that there are many many many unfair things that happen in our lives to us or even to others.....but i also realize that there are a lot of fair things that happen as well...i mean good things that we can see....

Something Big happened to my younger brother that made him believe that life is just unfair....i can't actually disagree with him because life is unfair at times...but why keep looking at the unfair things and bad things...why not look at the good and beautiful moments in life....like a baby taking his first steps or someone who's hard work paid off or even friends who stand by you no matter what....these things count for something right?

Although unfair things happen to us we shouldn't let it affect us right? We should just keep living and leaving everything into the hands of God right? Tell me if i'm wrong. But i feel that no matter how bad things can be....it doesn't really matter right? What matters is how we learn from it and grow to be better people. Coz what is the use of letting something like this get a hold on us? It doesn't make it better and it doesn't make it go away.....

For example....in exams. Some people choose to cheat and get better results than those who worked soo hard. This is not fair to them. But there is nothing we can do abt it. But at least our conscience is clear that we did not cheat and we did the right thing. That is what matters right?
We can just hope that someday they will realize and do the right thing as well.....

I care a lot for my bro and i want to be there for him no matter what....i want to help him because it hurts me to see him feeling hurt and sad and disappointed. So please help me help him to get past whatever he is feeling right now......because he deserves better.........

Embarassing moments.................

2008-10-31T05:15:00.000-07:00

Form 1 (2005)
This was like super embarassing....well, i was in 1 Mawar. I can't exactly remember everything but i can remember the main parts. I was walking out of the class. Then, while walking i tried to peek into 1 Kenanga ( dun ask me why). When i turned my head around, i knocked the pillar. The worst thing abt it was that some students from 1 kenanga saw what happened.....pretty embarassing rite?

Form 2 (2006)
i can't remember all the details but student A was bullying me. He pushed me onto the teachers chair. And just when things couldn't get any worse......teacher A showed up...of all times. He asked me why i was there.....so i told him that student A pushed me. The funny thing was....he didn't scold student A coz that year...student A was like a star and "contributing"(that was what he said) to the school. So in the end....i got scolded...kinda....haiz.

Form ???
This happened a few times. After exams or any other time....when teacher asks a question i answer it loudly with full confidence. so sure of my answer......but the embarassing part is my answer was for a different question. especially for a question which was already answered earlier.

Form 4
There was a certain week where i kept falling down...i have no idea why. i fell off my bed and knocked my head....i fell down the stairs in school....and i even fell at curry leaf....truly and utterly embarassing....

There are other embarassing moments, but i figure i should keep some to myself for now. maybe next time if i get the courage i'll post others...lol

Sejarah SUCKS!!!!!

2008-10-24T05:28:00.000-07:00

I hate sejarah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dun understand the reason behind learning abt the past. Aren't we supposed to move on to the future? Haiz...studying sejarah is sooo depressing...it just bores you until you wished you were dead. there is like sooo much to study....(i mean memorize because it has nth to do with understanding). The chapters are so boring....who cares abt faktor-faktor or kesan-kesan of sth...it's soooo stupid.

For upper form....it's like we have to memorize the whole two textbooks...word for word...do they think we're machines?? Well come on....there is a reason why these stuff are printed in books....and the sejarah teachers think it's soooo easy. Well, they're not sitting for the exam. They are not the ones memorizing everything...they have books. And we have to write ESSAYS....can you believe it....writing essays abt the past...like give me a break!!!

I have no idea how the seniors do it....i really salute them.. Everytime i think of sejarah..i feel like dying. You have no idea how many times i've ask my bro to kill me to end the suffering. I guess i just have to suffer for another year....and hope for the best....HAIZ....................................

3 times....yeah....

2008-09-26T06:58:00.000-07:00

yahoo........finally......
during PJK on wednesday......i finally achieved my target....i did it. i didn't think i could but i did it. After so long trying and tiring myself out i finally did it. For me, it was not an easy task to do. i struggled a lot. But the main thing is .....i did it...yeah....One thing i learnt is that no matter what....we must keep on trying our best.....no matter how hard it is. It is better to fail and know you have tried your best than to not try at all. But i did it.....i'm sooo happy.

i was standing there in the field....waiting for my chance...i knew it would come...i just had to wait. i could feel the adrenaline rush, the wind blowing against my face, the eyes of students looking and staring trying to guess if i would make it. i had to do it, i need to do it. this is not really the typical kind of thing i would be doing. usually i don't play sports. but i should at least try...... rite?

and then it came. my chance, my hope. i reached for it, i gave it my all...................
YES! i did it. i succeeded. yahoo....i finally did it. i finally.......

touched the football 3 times...........(pathetic rite?)

dreams.....

2008-09-19T07:33:00.000-07:00

Dreams. Are they just dreams or glimpses of the future. What makes dreams feel so real? Dreams can mean the dreams we have when we sleep or the dreams we want to achieve in the future. The dreams that come when we sleep....well, cant really say much about them. But the dreams we have for ourselves is a whole story to itself.

There are times when dreams seem sooo near. But there are times when dreams feel sooo far away....that you can never achieve and reach your dreams no matter how hard you try. Sometimes i wish there was no gravity, so that i can just fly into the sky and reach for the stars. But to my disappointment......my wish will stay as just a wish.

I don't really have an ambition. I can't imagine what i would be doing in ten or twenty years. Sometimes i get a hunch on something and then realize later that it is just not possible. i'm not good enough and i will never be able to reach it. i mean......who am i trying to kid. it feels very depressing at times.

I have no idea whether i will be able to reach my goals and dreams...i guess only time will tell. But i hope everyone will achieve their dreams. Then maybe life wouldn't feel so complicated anymore.....

Just letting my mind wander......

2008-09-05T05:14:00.000-07:00

I actually can't believe i am more than half way through form 4. I still feel like i just entered school. Next year..i will be a senior... Can't believe it. Time flies when you are having fun. But to come to think of it....time flies when you are not having fun too. I realize how short life is...and that is why we should always be ourselves. Like i heard in a movie...life is too short to be someone else. What is the point of pretending to be someone else?

I realize that we can never turn back time. We can never go back. We can never change the things we want to change. we can never go back and take the other road. We just have to live with it. I realize that i can never change what people think of me...no matter how hard i try. That i can never know what people think of me. But does it really matter....what people think of me? It matter's more what i think of myself. I realized that i can never change others as well. no matter how hard i try... the choice is still theirs. All i can do is tell them how i feel but it will always come down to them.

16 years of my life and i have had my ups and downs. Nobody can ever say that their life is perfect. I am soooo fortunate to have people who helped me through the rough times. Even now...i am still going through some problems. Sometimes i feel like giving up or running away from everything but i still have friends who are always there for me.

Just this week...i asked my friend " why are relationships so complicated? " It feels so hard to breathe sometimes when relationships are all tangled up or going through a storm. But maybe relationships aren't as complicated as it seems. Maybe we are the ones who complicate it. Sometimes i wonder why these things are happening to me? But maybe these things are supposed to happen so that i can learn from them and grow stronger.

I hope that these tangled up problems will soon be un-tangled because i don't think i can take much more....

loneliness....sometimes my friend

2008-08-15T07:46:00.000-07:00

i'm sure everyone has felt lonely before...i sure have felt lonely many many times before. The thing about loneliness is that it comes at anytimeand anywhere. You may be in a crowd but you can still feel lonely. you can hide it from the world by putting a facade or even a smile but the fact is...it eats you up inside. It makes you feel useless and hopeless and not wanted. i have felt like i never really fit in before..i mean....I use to feel so happy and secure but sometimes it just comes...this loneliness. I try to strengthen my relationship with my friends but sometimes it seems to be a one-way effort. I try finding them in school ...to hang out and talk but it was never the other way around. Maybe i am just paranoid or maybe a little nuts but i can't seem to get over it. I have friends who do stick by me no matter what. But why do i still feel lonely? Why do i still feel like i am alone in this world? Deep down inside i know i am not alone. I know that my friends are always there for me. I know they will help me pick up the pieces. well, maybe i just need time...this loneliness...it will go away....right? Yes. I know that God has a purpose for me in life...I am not alone....

2008-08-08T07:33:00.000-07:00

my first entry....
just wanna let you know a little abt me..

i have felt....
happy
sad
angry
frustrated
overwhelmed
depressed
stupid
useless
hopeless
unloved
loved
alone
unworthy
unsure
insecure
not good enough
lazy
confused

i am......
quiet
crazy
weird
mean
sarcastic
introvert
noisy
funny

i try not to be....
proud
selfish
rude
lazy
fake
annoying

i try to be
the best i can be
real
friendly
good
hardworking
caring
a good friend
helpful
someone ppl can trust
someone ppl can depend on

i guess my friends would know me too..
i would like to know what else you guys think of me...
then i can add it to my list...
so let me know ok?....