Embarassing moments.................

Form 1 (2005)
This was like super embarassing....well, i was in 1 Mawar. I can't exactly remember everything but i can remember the main parts. I was walking out of the class. Then, while walking i tried to peek into 1 Kenanga ( dun ask me why). When i turned my head around, i knocked the pillar. The worst thing abt it was that some students from 1 kenanga saw what happened.....pretty embarassing rite?

Form 2 (2006)
i can't remember all the details but student A was bullying me. He pushed me onto the teachers chair. And just when things couldn't get any worse......teacher A showed up...of all times. He asked me why i was there.....so i told him that student A pushed me. The funny thing was....he didn't scold student A coz that year...student A was like a star and "contributing"(that was what he said) to the school. So in the end....i got scolded...kinda....haiz.

Form ???
This happened a few times. After exams or any other time....when teacher asks a question i answer it loudly with full confidence. so sure of my answer......but the embarassing part is my answer was for a different question. especially for a question which was already answered earlier.

Form 4
There was a certain week where i kept falling down...i have no idea why. i fell off my bed and knocked my head....i fell down the stairs in school....and i even fell at curry leaf....truly and utterly embarassing....

There are other embarassing moments, but i figure i should keep some to myself for now. maybe next time if i get the courage i'll post others...lol

Sejarah SUCKS!!!!!

I hate sejarah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dun understand the reason behind learning abt the past. Aren't we supposed to move on to the future? Haiz...studying sejarah is sooo depressing...it just bores you until you wished you were dead. there is like sooo much to study....(i mean memorize because it has nth to do with understanding). The chapters are so boring....who cares abt faktor-faktor or kesan-kesan of sth...it's soooo stupid.

For upper form....it's like we have to memorize the whole two textbooks...word for word...do they think we're machines?? Well come on....there is a reason why these stuff are printed in books....and the sejarah teachers think it's soooo easy. Well, they're not sitting for the exam. They are not the ones memorizing everything...they have books. And we have to write ESSAYS....can you believe it....writing essays abt the past...like give me a break!!!

I have no idea how the seniors do it....i really salute them.. Everytime i think of sejarah..i feel like dying. You have no idea how many times i've ask my bro to kill me to end the suffering. I guess i just have to suffer for another year....and hope for the best....HAIZ....................................

3 times....yeah....

yahoo........finally......
during PJK on wednesday......i finally achieved my target....i did it. i didn't think i could but i did it. After so long trying and tiring myself out i finally did it. For me, it was not an easy task to do. i struggled a lot. But the main thing is .....i did it...yeah....One thing i learnt is that no matter what....we must keep on trying our best.....no matter how hard it is. It is better to fail and know you have tried your best than to not try at all. But i did it.....i'm sooo happy.

i was standing there in the field....waiting for my chance...i knew it would come...i just had to wait. i could feel the adrenaline rush, the wind blowing against my face, the eyes of students looking and staring trying to guess if i would make it. i had to do it, i need to do it. this is not really the typical kind of thing i would be doing. usually i don't play sports. but i should at least try...... rite?

and then it came. my chance, my hope. i reached for it, i gave it my all...................
YES! i did it. i succeeded. yahoo....i finally did it. i finally.......



touched the football 3 times...........(pathetic rite?)

dreams.....

Dreams. Are they just dreams or glimpses of the future. What makes dreams feel so real? Dreams can mean the dreams we have when we sleep or the dreams we want to achieve in the future. The dreams that come when we sleep....well, cant really say much about them. But the dreams we have for ourselves is a whole story to itself.

There are times when dreams seem sooo near. But there are times when dreams feel sooo far away....that you can never achieve and reach your dreams no matter how hard you try. Sometimes i wish there was no gravity, so that i can just fly into the sky and reach for the stars. But to my disappointment......my wish will stay as just a wish.

I don't really have an ambition. I can't imagine what i would be doing in ten or twenty years. Sometimes i get a hunch on something and then realize later that it is just not possible. i'm not good enough and i will never be able to reach it. i mean......who am i trying to kid. it feels very depressing at times.

I have no idea whether i will be able to reach my goals and dreams...i guess only time will tell. But i hope everyone will achieve their dreams. Then maybe life wouldn't feel so complicated anymore.....

Just letting my mind wander......

I actually can't believe i am more than half way through form 4. I still feel like i just entered school. Next year..i will be a senior... Can't believe it. Time flies when you are having fun. But to come to think of it....time flies when you are not having fun too. I realize how short life is...and that is why we should always be ourselves. Like i heard in a movie...life is too short to be someone else. What is the point of pretending to be someone else?

I realize that we can never turn back time. We can never go back. We can never change the things we want to change. we can never go back and take the other road. We just have to live with it. I realize that i can never change what people think of me...no matter how hard i try. That i can never know what people think of me. But does it really matter....what people think of me? It matter's more what i think of myself. I realized that i can never change others as well. no matter how hard i try... the choice is still theirs. All i can do is tell them how i feel but it will always come down to them.

16 years of my life and i have had my ups and downs. Nobody can ever say that their life is perfect. I am soooo fortunate to have people who helped me through the rough times. Even now...i am still going through some problems. Sometimes i feel like giving up or running away from everything but i still have friends who are always there for me.

Just this week...i asked my friend " why are relationships so complicated? " It feels so hard to breathe sometimes when relationships are all tangled up or going through a storm. But maybe relationships aren't as complicated as it seems. Maybe we are the ones who complicate it. Sometimes i wonder why these things are happening to me? But maybe these things are supposed to happen so that i can learn from them and grow stronger.

I hope that these tangled up problems will soon be un-tangled because i don't think i can take much more....

loneliness....sometimes my friend

i'm sure everyone has felt lonely before...i sure have felt lonely many many times before. The thing about loneliness is that it comes at anytimeand anywhere. You may be in a crowd but you can still feel lonely. you can hide it from the world by putting a facade or even a smile but the fact is...it eats you up inside. It makes you feel useless and hopeless and not wanted. i have felt like i never really fit in before..i mean....I use to feel so happy and secure but sometimes it just comes...this loneliness. I try to strengthen my relationship with my friends but sometimes it seems to be a one-way effort. I try finding them in school ...to hang out and talk but it was never the other way around. Maybe i am just paranoid or maybe a little nuts but i can't seem to get over it. I have friends who do stick by me no matter what. But why do i still feel lonely? Why do i still feel like i am alone in this world? Deep down inside i know i am not alone. I know that my friends are always there for me. I know they will help me pick up the pieces. well, maybe i just need time...this loneliness...it will go away....right? Yes. I know that God has a purpose for me in life...I am not alone....

my first entry....
just wanna let you know a little abt me..

i have felt....
happy
sad
angry
frustrated
overwhelmed
depressed
stupid
useless
hopeless
unloved
loved
alone
unworthy
unsure
insecure
not good enough
lazy
confused

i am......
quiet
crazy
weird
mean
sarcastic
introvert
noisy
funny

i try not to be....
proud
selfish
rude
lazy
fake
annoying

i try to be
the best i can be
real
friendly
good
hardworking
caring
a good friend
helpful
someone ppl can trust
someone ppl can depend on

i guess my friends would know me too..
i would like to know what else you guys think of me...
then i can add it to my list...
so let me know ok?....