3 Months of FREEDOM (Chapter 3)

RESULTS FEVER

PRE

Before the results were out.....i spent my time trying not to think abt it. But sometimes you can't really help it..you know like....have i done enough.....oh no....i didn't know how to do this question.....what if i don't do well and stuff like that.....but i'm glad that my family never put any pressure on me. They never once told me 'you must get straight A+'. They always told me that i should just do my best and its okay no matter what results i get. The problem was that the pressure came from myself. I have no idea why but i keep pressuring myself to do well. i get extremely nervous before and during an exam or even just a test. Well.....i had dreams of the day the results came out....and those dreams were...........weird. Difficult to explain....(you know how thinking back on your dream and it actually doesn't make any sense at all).

DURING

On that day, i actually came really early cos i was helping my brother out with the alumni thing (not that i helped that much anyway). I met a couple of teachers but not all. After a while....more ppl started to come and the school got crowded. It was great to meet up with friends again. Well.....we were told that if the principal comes back early....its bad news...if he comes back late then its good news. So we all hoped that he would come back late but that would mean we have to wait even longer. i took a walk with ara around the school just trying to lose some nerves. And then......the results came..........it was good news. I really thank God for all the help and guidance. I know i could never have gotten the results i wanted without God's help.

POST

Now.....all the scholarship application stuff became like the most important thing.....but not for me though. Well.....at the moment, i am really interested in studying music.....not the classical and performance kind but the contemporary and technical side like music composition, songwriting, audio engineering and stuff like that. I know i dun have the skill to be a performer. But i do enjoy music. FYI......there are tons of scholarships available and maybe out of 20, only one offers music. So it was extremely difficult to find. The ones that i did find had certain requirements that i didn't have. So, I didn't apply any.

Many ppl keep saying " apply for jpa" and all the other stuff. When ppl ask me what scholarships have i applied.....my answer would be....i didn't apply any. And they would say WHY???? (with a very surprised tone). And i'll have to explain all over again.

To me, i believe that if you don't have the passion for a certain course, don't go for it. Or if you don't like the course even if it is the most popular course.....don't take it. I don't want to apply for sth i don't like and i don't have a passion for. I don't want to end up being trapped doing sth i hate for the rest of my life. We only live once.....so why not live doing sth you enjoy? What's the point in being a person who is rich but hates his job or life? Ppl keep saying apply for this and apply for that and what a waste if you don't apply. I'm just getting tired of it.

But whats worse is when ppl say like.....why so stupid.....and not just blame me but blame my parents for not pushing me to apply. That just really bugs me. i mean.....you don't even know me....and you definitely don't know my parents....what right do you have to say such things....and why all of a sudden you become sooooo interested in what i do. It doesn't affect you at all. In your view it may be stupid.....well, many others would think that too. But im not trying to please them.

So i am going to form 6. i'm not looking forward to it though but it gives me a year and a half to work on my violin and piano. And if i do change my mind abt music, i will still be able to choose sth else. My family can't afford private colleges and stuff.....so form 6 is the best way. My parents recommend form 6 cos you'll learn many things and will give me more time to be more matured before making a decision.

But of course, everyone has their doubts. And mine is whether or not ill be able to cope with music. Am i good enough? Or is it what i wanna do or what God wants me to do?

i just really pray that in the years to come i'll be able to do sth i love and that pleases God as well.