Scouts Camp

It was kinda weird because i was considered a senior because i was form 4 but in actual fact i was as experienced as any other form 2. I joined the high 5 team ( high 5 is 5 badges you need to get in order to become a king scout). Well it was weird because i only had usaha badge. Ok. A little scouts lesson here. First as a pengakap muda, there are 3 badges to achieve. First is lencana usaha ( in form 1), then lencana maju ( form 2 ) and lencana jaya, ( form3).i only joined last year, so i only have usaha.

Then they made us (high 5 group) come earlier than everybody else to copy the log book. Haiz. Then as usual we set up the camp and stuff. then we had to build a gajet around 2.5 m high. there went my beauty sleep. so we kept building until like 2 then went to sleep just to take down the whole thing again the next day coz it wasn't stable. Then we had kawad, masakan rimba, kembara, latihan komander, malam kebudayaan, and solo camp.

Ok, now abt the solo camp. The plan was to drop us in the jungle alone for abt an hour to build our confidence or sth like that. But guess what. We were accompanied by millions of mosquitoes. Ok. I'm exaggerating. it wasn't millions but it was a lot. I didn't stop scratching. For those who saw the aftermath on my hands.....well you can guess what it was like. The solo camp started around 12 sth and we came back around 4 i think. this is all in the morning. The next day all went as usual.

Another thing was.....i was a real noob. I'm not very experienced you see, so i was like the newbie. I took like super long to cut a bamboo and still not successful. Then comes james or tuan ren and they will say like " aya, come let me do." Then in one strike, the bamboo was cut in half. Super depressing......haiz......

So tiring. Maybe i shud drop out from becoming a king scout. Who knows....maybe i will. But overall, it was kinda fun. could hang out with friends like chicky, james, ccj, andrew, sam, jun wei, hua chiam, kar yan, carol, jamie, min lei, joan, tuan ren and everyone else. So juz pray that i dun get denggi.

Youth Leadership Developement Programme (YLDP)

I'm finally back home after soo long.....Anyway, just wanted to share my experience at the camp. To be honest, i wasn't very keen on going for the camp. Firstly, because i already went for 2 others just a few weeks before. Secondly, it's a 6 day camp and that is kinda long for me. Thirdly, i was gonna be alone. T_T. Although my bro and other friends went along. i was gonna be alone because they will separate us into 3 levels according to age. And those of my age who have gone for this camp before obviously can't sit for the same sessions again so they would go on to level 2. so i was left alone in level 1. There were other first timers too but they were much younger so they joined the pre-levels. haiz....

Then, we found out that most probably we would have to sleep in tents. TENTS! For 6 days. I would probably die. But fortunately for me, i was not placed in the tents but in a pavillion; a hut-like thingy. But believe me, it wasn't as pleasant as expected as well. It was hard. My back was like super aching. I was sleeping on wood. We would lie in our sleeping bags until it got soo hot. The nights were hot but in the morning, the weather would saddistically change and we would be freezing. So i didn't get much sleep throughout the entire camp but it beats sleeping in tents, right?

But after a while.....i felt like there was a reason why i was at this camp. God sure has a plan for me. And to my surprise, i enjoyed the sessions very much. It made me realise and learn a lot of things i never really knew. Pastor Daniel Singh was hillarious, but he still managed to get the message across. I feel like i was at a very rough part of my life; i mean spiritually. and the sessions helped me a lot. The theme was second wind, a phenomena where a marathon runner after feeling sooo tired suddenly gets a surge of energy to press on. it's something similar to our walk with God. Sometimes we feel tired and come to a road-block.

Usually when i attend camps, i would be one of the younger ones. Everyone was usually older than me. But this time, i was like the older person. So many of the 'older ppl' are actually my age. So that made me the 'older person' i used to meet at camps. But being form 4, i met a lot of other form 4 mates who look sooooo mature. I, in comparison, looked like a small kid.

The one thing i enjoyed in the camp was the grouping. We had 3 different groups. Our team-building group for games and stuff, our sessions group meaning the 3 different levels and our devotion group. This helped me a lot to get to know more ppl and build relationships. Besides, the worship services were awesome. This camp was also a very eventful camp. The first night, the hall had a blackout so we had to shift to the ampitheatre. The second night, it rained very heavily and some tents were wet plus one was flooded. The stream itself overflowed. The third day, the air-conds malfunctioned for a while.

After coming back from this camp...i have no regrets whatsoever abt attending this camp. I enjoyed myself a lot and i thank God for always being there for me. This camp gave me the confidence to continue walking with the Lord forever. And on the last day....i made a declaration that......as for me, i will walk with the Lord forever.

Is life unfair or fair??

I was having a very heated debate with my younger brother abt whether or not life is unfair or fair. After everything.....i know that there are many many many unfair things that happen in our lives to us or even to others.....but i also realize that there are a lot of fair things that happen as well...i mean good things that we can see....

Something Big happened to my younger brother that made him believe that life is just unfair....i can't actually disagree with him because life is unfair at times...but why keep looking at the unfair things and bad things...why not look at the good and beautiful moments in life....like a baby taking his first steps or someone who's hard work paid off or even friends who stand by you no matter what....these things count for something right?

Although unfair things happen to us we shouldn't let it affect us right? We should just keep living and leaving everything into the hands of God right? Tell me if i'm wrong. But i feel that no matter how bad things can be....it doesn't really matter right? What matters is how we learn from it and grow to be better people. Coz what is the use of letting something like this get a hold on us? It doesn't make it better and it doesn't make it go away.....

For example....in exams. Some people choose to cheat and get better results than those who worked soo hard. This is not fair to them. But there is nothing we can do abt it. But at least our conscience is clear that we did not cheat and we did the right thing. That is what matters right?
We can just hope that someday they will realize and do the right thing as well.....

I care a lot for my bro and i want to be there for him no matter what....i want to help him because it hurts me to see him feeling hurt and sad and disappointed. So please help me help him to get past whatever he is feeling right now......because he deserves better.........

Embarassing moments.................

Form 1 (2005)
This was like super embarassing....well, i was in 1 Mawar. I can't exactly remember everything but i can remember the main parts. I was walking out of the class. Then, while walking i tried to peek into 1 Kenanga ( dun ask me why). When i turned my head around, i knocked the pillar. The worst thing abt it was that some students from 1 kenanga saw what happened.....pretty embarassing rite?

Form 2 (2006)
i can't remember all the details but student A was bullying me. He pushed me onto the teachers chair. And just when things couldn't get any worse......teacher A showed up...of all times. He asked me why i was there.....so i told him that student A pushed me. The funny thing was....he didn't scold student A coz that year...student A was like a star and "contributing"(that was what he said) to the school. So in the end....i got scolded...kinda....haiz.

Form ???
This happened a few times. After exams or any other time....when teacher asks a question i answer it loudly with full confidence. so sure of my answer......but the embarassing part is my answer was for a different question. especially for a question which was already answered earlier.

Form 4
There was a certain week where i kept falling down...i have no idea why. i fell off my bed and knocked my head....i fell down the stairs in school....and i even fell at curry leaf....truly and utterly embarassing....

There are other embarassing moments, but i figure i should keep some to myself for now. maybe next time if i get the courage i'll post others...lol

Sejarah SUCKS!!!!!

I hate sejarah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dun understand the reason behind learning abt the past. Aren't we supposed to move on to the future? Haiz...studying sejarah is sooo depressing...it just bores you until you wished you were dead. there is like sooo much to study....(i mean memorize because it has nth to do with understanding). The chapters are so boring....who cares abt faktor-faktor or kesan-kesan of sth...it's soooo stupid.

For upper form....it's like we have to memorize the whole two textbooks...word for word...do they think we're machines?? Well come on....there is a reason why these stuff are printed in books....and the sejarah teachers think it's soooo easy. Well, they're not sitting for the exam. They are not the ones memorizing everything...they have books. And we have to write ESSAYS....can you believe it....writing essays abt the past...like give me a break!!!

I have no idea how the seniors do it....i really salute them.. Everytime i think of sejarah..i feel like dying. You have no idea how many times i've ask my bro to kill me to end the suffering. I guess i just have to suffer for another year....and hope for the best....HAIZ....................................

3 times....yeah....

yahoo........finally......
during PJK on wednesday......i finally achieved my target....i did it. i didn't think i could but i did it. After so long trying and tiring myself out i finally did it. For me, it was not an easy task to do. i struggled a lot. But the main thing is .....i did it...yeah....One thing i learnt is that no matter what....we must keep on trying our best.....no matter how hard it is. It is better to fail and know you have tried your best than to not try at all. But i did it.....i'm sooo happy.

i was standing there in the field....waiting for my chance...i knew it would come...i just had to wait. i could feel the adrenaline rush, the wind blowing against my face, the eyes of students looking and staring trying to guess if i would make it. i had to do it, i need to do it. this is not really the typical kind of thing i would be doing. usually i don't play sports. but i should at least try...... rite?

and then it came. my chance, my hope. i reached for it, i gave it my all...................
YES! i did it. i succeeded. yahoo....i finally did it. i finally.......



touched the football 3 times...........(pathetic rite?)

dreams.....

Dreams. Are they just dreams or glimpses of the future. What makes dreams feel so real? Dreams can mean the dreams we have when we sleep or the dreams we want to achieve in the future. The dreams that come when we sleep....well, cant really say much about them. But the dreams we have for ourselves is a whole story to itself.

There are times when dreams seem sooo near. But there are times when dreams feel sooo far away....that you can never achieve and reach your dreams no matter how hard you try. Sometimes i wish there was no gravity, so that i can just fly into the sky and reach for the stars. But to my disappointment......my wish will stay as just a wish.

I don't really have an ambition. I can't imagine what i would be doing in ten or twenty years. Sometimes i get a hunch on something and then realize later that it is just not possible. i'm not good enough and i will never be able to reach it. i mean......who am i trying to kid. it feels very depressing at times.

I have no idea whether i will be able to reach my goals and dreams...i guess only time will tell. But i hope everyone will achieve their dreams. Then maybe life wouldn't feel so complicated anymore.....

Just letting my mind wander......

I actually can't believe i am more than half way through form 4. I still feel like i just entered school. Next year..i will be a senior... Can't believe it. Time flies when you are having fun. But to come to think of it....time flies when you are not having fun too. I realize how short life is...and that is why we should always be ourselves. Like i heard in a movie...life is too short to be someone else. What is the point of pretending to be someone else?

I realize that we can never turn back time. We can never go back. We can never change the things we want to change. we can never go back and take the other road. We just have to live with it. I realize that i can never change what people think of me...no matter how hard i try. That i can never know what people think of me. But does it really matter....what people think of me? It matter's more what i think of myself. I realized that i can never change others as well. no matter how hard i try... the choice is still theirs. All i can do is tell them how i feel but it will always come down to them.

16 years of my life and i have had my ups and downs. Nobody can ever say that their life is perfect. I am soooo fortunate to have people who helped me through the rough times. Even now...i am still going through some problems. Sometimes i feel like giving up or running away from everything but i still have friends who are always there for me.

Just this week...i asked my friend " why are relationships so complicated? " It feels so hard to breathe sometimes when relationships are all tangled up or going through a storm. But maybe relationships aren't as complicated as it seems. Maybe we are the ones who complicate it. Sometimes i wonder why these things are happening to me? But maybe these things are supposed to happen so that i can learn from them and grow stronger.

I hope that these tangled up problems will soon be un-tangled because i don't think i can take much more....

loneliness....sometimes my friend

i'm sure everyone has felt lonely before...i sure have felt lonely many many times before. The thing about loneliness is that it comes at anytimeand anywhere. You may be in a crowd but you can still feel lonely. you can hide it from the world by putting a facade or even a smile but the fact is...it eats you up inside. It makes you feel useless and hopeless and not wanted. i have felt like i never really fit in before..i mean....I use to feel so happy and secure but sometimes it just comes...this loneliness. I try to strengthen my relationship with my friends but sometimes it seems to be a one-way effort. I try finding them in school ...to hang out and talk but it was never the other way around. Maybe i am just paranoid or maybe a little nuts but i can't seem to get over it. I have friends who do stick by me no matter what. But why do i still feel lonely? Why do i still feel like i am alone in this world? Deep down inside i know i am not alone. I know that my friends are always there for me. I know they will help me pick up the pieces. well, maybe i just need time...this loneliness...it will go away....right? Yes. I know that God has a purpose for me in life...I am not alone....

my first entry....
just wanna let you know a little abt me..

i have felt....
happy
sad
angry
frustrated
overwhelmed
depressed
stupid
useless
hopeless
unloved
loved
alone
unworthy
unsure
insecure
not good enough
lazy
confused

i am......
quiet
crazy
weird
mean
sarcastic
introvert
noisy
funny

i try not to be....
proud
selfish
rude
lazy
fake
annoying

i try to be
the best i can be
real
friendly
good
hardworking
caring
a good friend
helpful
someone ppl can trust
someone ppl can depend on

i guess my friends would know me too..
i would like to know what else you guys think of me...
then i can add it to my list...
so let me know ok?....